


How to be a Good Person

by hueue



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Brother-Sister Relationships, Kinda, Multi, Steven Universe Needs Therapy, am I about to use the name Nora again? you bet!, but with a twist, not kinda it is, with my trademark goofs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24567670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hueue/pseuds/hueue
Summary: Steven Universe-Demayo-Diamond hasn't been having a great time: He's crashed his dad's van, he sent an old (enemy? friend?) aquaintance to the hospital, he attacked his grandmother, and topped it all off with a spectacularly messy meltdown. He isn't a good person, he's decided. He doesn't want to talk about it.But then a double from another universe lands in his living room with a diamond in his stomach and scars up his back, and Steven decides it's high time for a talk with himself.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 16
Kudos: 126





	How to be a Good Person

**Author's Note:**

> ive gone off the rails!!!  
> jus some notes beforehand: bernese is this steven's lion (he's a bernese mountain dog because steven is not creative with names), this steven has aspergers and i love him
> 
> here's a fun little project of mine because i wanted to do something with my humanization hcs  
> and if someone is about to comment about how my hcs are wrong, consider this: don't :^)

1

He knew somebody was in the room before he opened his eyes.

He was always hyper-aware these days, his body constantly alerting him to  _ danger, danger, danger  _ around every corner, in every person,  _ especially  _ in himself. Somebody was always out to hurt him, somehow, somewhere. 

_ Because you deserve it.  _

Steven flexed his scarred hands, he shouldn’t think like that―he knew that―but it was so hard to avoid it. He had tried to hurt (he  _ HAD  _ hurt) so many people in such a short amount of time, how was he supposed to think anything kind about himself with that hanging over his head. Jasper was in the  _ hospital  _ because of him, because he hadn’t been able to reign himself in just that  _ once  _ and his family didn’t seem to  _ care!  _

“Steven? You up?” 

He bit his lip, silently debating the risk/reward of pretending to sleep further. Despite his reservations, he sat up the best he could and looked over to his visitor. Spinel’s tired expression brightened, “...Hey.” he rasped,  _ god,  _ he sounded wrecked. 

“Hey, bud!” she wrapped her arms around him, she lacked her usual flagrant disregard for personal space. Hell, not even two days ago she had given him a gross kiss on his cheek in response to him arriving unannounced to her house after doing his best at avoiding it for nearly a year. 

His relationship with Spinel was still...strange. Sure, strange was something to call it. Last summer, barely a week after his sixteenth birthday, she had arrived on his doorstep and attacked him because she wanted to do  _ something  _ to get back at his mom. Only Pearl had known who she was, stammering out her name before Spinel launched at Steven and beat him until his nose cracked under her fist. It had taken everybody to get her off of him, her hissing and clawing at him with a pocket knife in her grasp. Eventually, she explained herself and...he almost understood why.

They were half-siblings. 

His mom, ex-good-person Penelope “Pink” Diamond (or just Rose, depending on when you met her), had  _ abandoned  _ her at just five years old and became a whole different person in a new state, managed to convince all her new friends that she was some  _ angel _ , met his dad, got pregnant with Steven, and died having him. Something that had been held over his head for fourteen years as something he needed to  _ justify _ . Of course, Spinel had been pissed to find out that she had just left her and had another kid being touted as some hero just because he saved a couple townspeople during an earthquake. 

They hadn’t looked alike when he’d first seen her during her rant before she attacked him. She was taller, her skin was darker than his, she looked like she’d just raided a Hot Topic (all chains and acidic colors), her fuschia braids were pulled up into pigtails, and she had mascara tears running down her face. But, as Amethyst pointed out after things had been revealed, she could see it: They had the same nose, the unbraided parts of her hair curled much like Steven’s, and, as Steven would find out, they were  _ both  _ on the spectrum. Steven’s heart sank, all it was was another shovelful of dirt into the pit of respect and love he’d had for his mom. 

Spinel scooted over to his bed, “How’re you doin’?” she barely waited a second before blowing a raspberry, “Who am I kiddin’, you’re doin’ bad, right?” 

Her Brooklyn accent really shined when she was nervous...at least he knew she was actually worried about him and not just there because she felt bad.

“I-I’m okay. Just a lil sore, I guess.”

“No joke. You did a real number on the house, kid.” Steven flinched, eyes flicking to the spider web of cracks going up his window―the start of his day-long, overdue meltdown. Spinel traced his eyes, “Wait. Ugh, shit, wait, Garnet told me not to mention it. 

He blinked away hot tears filling his vision, “I-I’m really sorry, I’m so stupid, I didn’t mean to―”

“Steven.” she stopped him, “I don’t even live here, it’s fine. You’re totally good, Bismuth’s gonna get the house all fixed up in no time and you’re gonna get some help and…” her smile faded, “god, you really scared us.”

“I know…”

“When me and the Diamonds showed up and you were just...raging and breaking things and you weren’t responding, w-we thought you were going to really hurt yourself,” she glanced down at his injured hands, Steven hid them under his duvet, “I guess you did, huh? Shoot, I just…” she pulled him in for a hug, Steven stiffened at the sudden sensory overload and pulled away with an undignified noise. Spinel looked hurt, “sorry, sorry. Yeah, I should’ve asked.” 

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“Steven Universe-Demayo-Diamond, stop apologizing before I try to kill you―again.” 

All three of his last names tasted sour now, not one had been saved from some sort of terrible or unfortunate memory. The first was now forever attached to the start of his  _ incredibly  _ fast decline when he had crashed Dad’s van, the second was a reminder of an entire  _ family  _ that he’d never met and would probably never find the strength to meet, the last one that was proof of another lie and the source of an event that still kept him awake at night. 

And ‘Maheswaran’ was now  _ surely  _ off the table thanks to his little stunt a week ago. Why had he let Garnet’s moms talk him into  _ proposing  _ to somebody he wasn’t even  _ dating!?  _ His lack of social understanding had truly taken center stage that entire day. 

“Heh. Okay, Spinel.” he looked away from her, eye contact feeling much too much at the moment, “Is everybody else...are they still downstairs?”

She nodded, kicking back in her chair and laying her chunky boots on his bed frame, “Yup, Peri and Lapis got you some pizza from that Ghanian place you like, the one that puts fish on pizza? Greg said he can make you some hot chocolate if you want? The real fancy kind with the real chocolate and the milk...Steven…?”

_ Everybody was still here.  _ He was  _ keeping  _ everybody from going back to their normal lives because he couldn’t keep himself from falling apart. They were probably all swapping stories about how messed up he’d gotten, all confirming that they’d be better off with him gone. Had Whitney already talked about how he’d tried to kill her (had he? It was still so blurry)? His own grandmother, the only one he’d likely ever meet and he had attacked her based off of some long-held fear of being hurt by her again. 

(She wouldn’t, she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t) 

“Steven? You still with me?” Spinel grabbed his shaking hands and steadied them, “Hey, hey, what’s eatin’ you?”

“Go home!” he snapped before he could stop himself, “I want...I want to be…”

She backed off, “D’ya want me to go get that Connie girl?”

Steven didn’t want her to see him like his, he could hurt her and he’d never forgive himself if he did. But there was no one else he could stomach seeing so he nodded frantically. Spinel stood up and disappeared downstairs, there was a hush once she reached the bottom. Not a moment too late, Connie was suddenly in his room, concern written on her face, “Steven, are you okay?”

“N-No.” 

She came to his bedside, “Is it something that Spinel did?”

He shook his head. 

“Is it something she  _ said _ ?”

Another shake.

“Is it something somebody else did?”

A hesitant nod, she leaned against him, a welcome weight to ground him. She always waited for him to speak, she knew how hard it was for him to find the words when he was frazzled, “Everybody...is still downstairs and I feel...bad. I feel bad.” 

“Why?”

“Because everybody’s busy and I-I’m...I...I don’t want to bother y’all.”

Connie looked confused by his statement, “You aren’t bothering us, Steven.”

“But you have school,”

“School can  _ wait _ .” she poked his stomach, “My best friend needs me more, right?” 

_ He’s still her best friend.  _

“Okay.” 

“Can I hug you?”

“N...No...I’m sorry.”

She shook her head, “No apologies. You can set that boundary with me, okay?” 

“Mmhm.” there was a rustling at the foot of his bed, he looked up to see his dog trying his best to get his massive frame onto his bed. The same dog he’d cried his eyes out into some time ago after he’d come to. 

Connie smiled, “Bernese hasn’t left your side, yet. I think he finally likes you.” 

Steven leaned towards him, “Blink if you love me.” Bernese blinked, Steven gaped, “That never works!! C’mere, Bernie!!” The dog crawled onto his bed, nuzzling against his side. Connie took his hand and squeezed it, Steven gave her a quizzical look, 

“You just…you haven’t looked excited about something in a long time. You almost look like you have stars in your eyes,” she said wistfully, “I’ve missed it.”

“Oh,” 

“Do you want to talk about...what just happened?”

“No, no. I’m fine.”

She scoffed, “No, you are not. It’s okay that you’re not but we need to know so we can help you.”

“I don’t w-want you to help me.”

Her expression softened, “Steven, you have helped us all so many times. Let us do this for you, okay?”

“Hm…” he let Berenese crawl onto his lap and lick his face, “okay.” 

Connie played with her hair, “What happened at your aunt’s house? You only mentioned that you…”

“That I tried to kill Whitney?” 

“Steven, you didn’t―”

“Yes, I did!” 

“You hurt  _ yourself _ , you never even touched Whitney.” 

He balled his fists in Bernese’s mane, the dog licked his face. He knew he probably looked awful all around but the dark bruise on his forehead from where he had slammed his head into Whitney’s wall hard enough to crack the plaster was probably the cherry on top of his shattered visage. He could still remember the feeling of stepping out of his body and imagining (or doing? He couldn’t figure it out) so vividly him grabbing the knife and going for his grandma with Spinel just behind the door and Bryna and Yvette on their way to see if Whitney had finally managed to  _ fix  _ him. 

“I wanted to.” he murmured, “I wanted to hurt her. Like I hurt Jasper.”

Connie deflated, scrunching her hooked nose at the statement, “Steven. Y-You need help and we’re getting you help! Sometimes when people need...help...they do things they’d usually never do.”

It had been so long since he felt like the kid in the framed picture downstairs, with a big smile being held up by the whole town that was giving him thanks. Maybe this was just  _ him  _ now―a violent, messed-up kid who couldn’t go two words without a panic attack and had apparently  _ forgotten  _ how to interact with people. 

“Did I miss anything at school?” he asked softly, Connie waved him off, 

“Forget about school, I’m sure all your teachers will be happy to help you catch up. I think your dad is going to, um, send an email or something later because I don’t think he wants you going to class until you feel better…”

He tensed, his heart thrumming against his chest, “They’re gonna  _ know?!”  _ he gasped, “Ever-Everybody’s gonna know and they’re gonna tell everybody and then everybody in  _ town  _ will know and they’ll think I’m  _ bad _ and th―”

“Calm down.”

He cradled his head, rocking in his spot, “People already think I’m weird and now they’re gonna  _ know _ . I-I...they can’t KNOW.” 

“Steven.” Connie grabbed his shoulders, “Steven, you have to calm down. Nobody’s going to know exactly what happened, Greg is just gonna tell them you had an accident―which you  _ did _ . They’re already worried, your English teacher kept asking if I had seen you when you ran away, they’re going to worry  _ more  _ if Greg doesn’t say something.” 

“But everybody―”

“You don’t have to tell anybody anything, Patricia and Daniel can think you were just sick for a couple of weeks. I’ll keep your secret always.” 

He bit his lip, “I want a hug now”

She smiled, pulling him in and resting her chin in the crook of his neck, “We’ve got you, we’re here for you, okay? Do you want to see everybody else?” 

“Are they mad?”

“Not at all.” she stroked his hair, “Just worried because they love you.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go down.” he relished in their hug for a moment more, “Can you help me up?”

Connie gingerly got him to his feet, Bernese hopping down and following them downstairs. His family was gathered around the dinner table, all talking under their breaths. Connie cleared her throat, Amethyst looked up first, “STEVEN!!” 

He was immediately tackled by his quasi-sister, her dyed lilac hair covering his vision as she excitedly hugged him, “You’re up!” 

“Yeah!” he laughed, her excitement infectious, “I’m up!” 

“Are you okay, are you sore, anything broken?” 

“A little sore, plus you’re sitting on my lungs.” 

“Whoops!” she got off his chest, “Aw, dude, you’ve been out for  _ hours _ , man.” 

“Sorry.”

She shook her head, “Nah. You’re banned from saying that actually.”

Pearl chimed in, half held by Bismuth who looked as relieved as she did, “As well as: I’m fine, it’s nothing, don’t worry, it’s okay, and…”

“And monster.” Garnet finished, her heterochromatic eyes boring into him from behind her sunglasses. Steven blushed, half of his vocabulary had been banned. He picked himself up from the floor just to lean on Connie to keep himself upright, the living room was looking better now that everything he’d broken had either been helped with a temporary fix or had been moved somewhere else with the exception of his mother’s portrait that leaned against the doorframe―an ugly slash through the canvas. 

“Don’t worry about that.” his dad said, taking the painting and setting it just out of sight, “It’s just a painting.”

“Bu-But Vidalia worked hard on it…”

“Vidalia’s probably forgotten she even made it, Scthu-ball. We can replace a painting, we can’t replace you.”

_ But you could…  _

“Have you...heard any news about Jasper?”

He could almost hear Lapis roll her eyes, “Forget Jasper, Steven. She’s probably already back at her cabin punching a rock apart or whatever she does out there.”

“That Jasper,” Bryna sighed, her sad eyes drooping further and her quiet accented voice ringing, “always causing trouble. She was a friend of your mother’s, right?” 

“Back when she was Pink.” Steven said bitterly, another casualty of his mother just like Spinel and Pearl and Bismuth and Polly and  _ him _ , “I think she hates her now.”

Yvette hummed, “Pink always did have the habit of hanging around unsavory types.”

Steven frowned―sure, Jasper was brutish and had hurt not only him but Amethyst and Lapis too, but she still didn’t deserve to be completely written off like that. She was still hurting from a war that had ended but one she still wanted to fight, he swallowed his words though. His mom’s family definitely weren’t as pompous and self-important as they had been when he first met them but they surely still had their moments. Bryna laced her fingers together, 

“Is there anything you need from us, Steven?” 

“Yes, we’re here to help you and be there for you,” Yvette added, being comforted by them still felt like being comforted from behind a brick wall. He shook his head, 

“I’m” he couldn’t say  _ fine _ , “doing better. My head’s a bit less fuzzy.” 

His aunts seemed comforted by his statement, Whitney hadn’t spoken yet which was strange for her. She commanded the spotlight no matter the occasion but apparently, from what Connie had explained during his fifteen minutes of consciousness post-meltdown and pre-coma, he had singled her out at some point during his rampage―it was probably enough for her to figure that she wasn’t well-liked by him. 

Silence settled, Peridot awkwardly held up a pizza box, “Time for pizza, right? Right? ...Was it time for me to say that?”

Bismuth chuckled, “Yes, tiny.” 

His dad pressed his hand against his back, “Son, why don’t we eat some pizza then we can talk about everything, okay? It’s not square!”

Oh, he really didn’t want to do that. “That sounds great, Dad.” 

Nobody talked as Connie helped him to his seat. He wished he was wearing a sweater so he could hide the nicks in his skin so everybody would stop  _ staring _ . They all were just barely holding themselves back from bombarding him with questions like  _ why had he let it get so bad  _ or  _ why didn’t he tell anybody  _ or maybe even  _ what’s  _ wrong  _ with him?  _ Bernese nudged his side, he should probably eat something to make them happy. He pulled a slice of cheese pizza from the box, “Fish Stew was open this late?”

“Well, no.” Peridot said, adjusting her yellow-tinted frames, “We called your friends Jenny and Kiki and told them you needed an emergency pizza and they were happy to oblige.”

He tensed again, why couldn’t he go one day without inconveniencing somebody? “Hm.” he forced a smile, “Th-That was nice of them.” 

_ Steven, why are you such a mess?  _

“Yo, Steve-O…” Amethyst grabbed his shoulder, he flinched, “whoa, I didn’t mean to scare you. I...you’ve just been holding that slice for a while.” 

He had. He didn’t think he could eat anything without it coming right back up from the anxiety brewing inside him. 

_ Steven, just be NORMAL.  _

Tears brimmed in his vision, “I―” he choked out before he laid his head against the table and sobbed, Bernese trying his best to pull his hands away from his hair. Why couldn’t he just  _ pretend  _ for a  **_second_ ** _**?** _ He’d tried so hard to just pretend that everything was fine all day and it had just led to him breaking down like he never had before, he couldn’t even keep it together when his family was trying so hard to make him feel better. 

“Steven, you don’t have to eat the pizza!” Spinel insisted, “It’s okay!”

“It’s  _ not!  _ I’m―I just...I…” he shoved himself away from the table, mumbling apologies and ran upstairs followed closely by a whining Bernese. He collapsed on his bed, heaving and angrily pulling at his bedsheets until tiny tears formed. Bernese climbed onto his bed and he buried his face into his mane, an echo of what he’d done not even twelve hours beforehand. 

“Am I a bad person?” he whispered, Bernese didn’t answer, of course, “I have to be, right? A-A good person wouldn’t act like me or-or be messed up like me…” he sniffed, “when did I stop being a good person?” 

His dog huffed which wasn’t the answer he was looking for. He wrapped his arms around him, hoping the feeling would just go away. He wanted everything to  _ stop  _ for just a minute: He wanted to have never gone with Dad on that road trip (the feeling of losing another hero, of  _ knowing  _ that things could’ve been different); he wanted his 3-day mistake with Jasper to disappear (the feeling of finally letting go and acting out every violent impulse his brain supplied); he wanted to go back on his decision of going to his only blood family for help (the feeling of being so in and out of control at the same time); he wanted to never open his mouth when they cornered him (the feeling of  _ so much  _ and suddenly nothing). 

He just wanted a breather. 

Just something so stereotypically normal that it could almost  _ bore  _ him―was that too much to ask? 

_ Crash!  _

Steven jumped up at the sound of a collective scream and the smash of plates downstairs and the sound of something  _ heavy  _ stalking across the floor.  _ What happened?!  _ Bernese lifted his head up, growling. 

A sound like chimes rang through the house. Amethyst gasped, “ _ ¡Dios Mío! STEVEN!?” _

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!?” another voice shouted, it was familiar. Too familiar. 

_ “Is that a goddamn LION?”  _

Okay, something was happening. Steven called out, “What’s going on?! Guys?” 

“Steven!” Connie called back, sounding uncharacteristically out of her depth, “Y-You better come down here…” 

He took her word, wiping his face, getting to his feet and stumbling downstairs, “I’m here! I’m here! What’s going…” he looked in the center of the room. Mounted on a pink lion with a pastel-colored shield held out in front of him was... _ him.  _ An exact copy but one who seemed just as bewildered as everybody else, “oh, my god.” he whispered at the same time his copy muttered, 

“Oh, my stars,” he lowered his arm and his shield  _ disappeared  _ into sparkles, “you’re me.”

“No,  _ you’re  _ me!” 

“It’s the same thing?” 

“But  _ I’m  _ Steven!”

“I’m Steven!” he insisted, hopping off his  _ literal lion’s  _ back, “Are you a Gem shapeshifted? Why are you here? Did Ocean Jasper put you up to this?”

“A  _ what?  _ Dude, are you high?” 

He looked offended by the question, “What?! No! I’m just confused on why you’re all in my house!”

_ “This is my house!”  _

“You’re good, I’ll give you that.” he glanced over to Connie, “Connie? Who is this?”

Connie was looking between the two of them, “S-Steven and…other Steven. I don’t know what’s going on but I think something weird is happening.” 

“I’ll say.” Peridot muttered, the other-Steven’s eyes widened, 

“You...why do you sound like Peridot?” 

She quirked up an eyebrow, “I...am Peridot? That’s me?”

“No but you’re…” he turned to his lion, “Lion. Where did you take me?” the big cat just yawned in his face, other-Steven frowned dramatically, “Oh, I wish you could talk!! You were supposed to take me to go see Jasper!” his pet (...?) gave him a look that could almost be read as disapproving, “Don’t give me that look, mister! You look like Pearl!” 

Pearl seemed taken aback, “Like me?”

Other-Steven spun to face her, “You aren’t Pearl!” he insisted, his eyes narrowed, “But you look a lot like her…oh, jeez. Where am I?” 

“Dude.” Amethyst ran a hand through her hair, “You just came to a  _ portal!  _ An honest-to-god portal! And Jasper’s in the hospital, why do you want to go see  _ her?”  _

“Hospital?!” he only looked more lost, “Jasper’s not in the hospital, she ran off when I went to Homeworld, if  _ anything _ I think she’s back at her cave...wait. You sound like Amethyst.” 

“One and only.” 

Something akin to a neon blush appeared on other-Steven’s cheek, he flailed his hands until it went away, “Wait, wait, wait.” he pressed himself against his lion, “I need everybody to introduce themselves,  _ now _ .” 

“Little pushy there.” Spinel snarked, other-Steven clicked his fingers,

“Spinel. You’re Spinel.” 

“Yee-up.” 

“Okay... _ okay… _ ” he wrung his hands together, “please just say your names…” the room went around introducing themselves, other-Steven paled further with each name, gripping the fabric of his shirt. His eyes settled on Steven, he muttered a few things under his breath before swallowing, “Lift up your shirt.” 

_ “Excuse me?”  _

“Please do it,” 

Awkwardly, he hitched up his shirt. Other-Steven lit up bright pink, his eyes turning to pale diamonds, Steven took a frightened step back, “What the hell!” 

“Where is it!?” he demanded. 

“Where’s what?!” 

Other-Steven looked near the point of collapsing, his dad stepped forward, “Er, do you need some water? You don’t look so hot.” 

“N-No. I just…” he took a seat on the floor, his lion sitting behind him, “give me a second,  _ please. _ ” he started counting to himself, breathing in and out in a repeated fashion until the color faded, “I’m sorry, it’s just...you’re human. You’re  _ all  _ human.” 

“Of course we are…” Lapis’ eyebrows drew together, “are you  _ not  _ human…?”

Other-Steven stared at her, pulling his shirt up to reveal a glossy pink stone embedded where his belly button should’ve been. A shocked silence fell, other-Steven sighed and ran his hand through his curls, his gaze drifted to the pizza on the table. He clicked his tongue, absent-mindedly petting his lion,

“Oh, did I interrupt dinner? So sorry.” 

**Author's Note:**

> to pay for reading this fic, find out some ways you can help: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co


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